I started depressing adventure with Corey, Taylor, and Gabrielle. We barely caught the train in time and then had a 2 hour train ride to Oswiecim (the town where Auschwitz is located). The ride wasn't bad at first. We even made friends with a fellow American who was going to see Auschwitz as well. She has been living in Prague for the last 2 months just traveling around Europe on her own 'avoiding the real world'. She was really nice and helped us find our way to the camp once we arrived in the town. But otherwise the train ride began setting the mood for the visit to Auschwitz. Once we got 30 or so minutes outside of the city the landscape became barren. And with the snow on the ground it was almost as if I was traveling back in time. I began picturing a war taking place outside my window... soldiers advancing through the wooded areas, tanks moving across the cold, open fields and planes dotting the sky above...
From the moment I walk up to the gate a sort of eerie stillness took over. I hardly said a word as I walked around despite wandering around with Taylor. When we did speak it was quiet and something to do with how we couldn't believe something we saw or read. Once I had passed through the gate into the camp I hadn't gone more than 30ft before there was a sign telling how the SS would hang the bodies of attempted escapees along the wall of the first building you passed as you moved into the camp as a warning to other prisoners. Opposite of that was another sign describing how the camp orchestra would play marches to help keep the prisoners in step as they were sent off to do a full day of grueling work. It was insane. All I could think was yeah, lets have an orchestra play music to keep people in step while on the wall of the opposite building dead bodies just hang out... that sounds lovely.... not. The whole thing was just stick and twisted and I hadn't made it more than 50 feet.
Needless to say that it didn't get much better. They had many of the barracks where prisoners stayed open to walk through with exhibits to look at. We went in the first one we found and it was the most depressing thing ever. First off, when you walked inside it was cold, colder than being outside. Second, it was even creepier than walking through the front gate. Especially thinking about how many men, women, and children lived in this one building and the conditions in which they lived in and then realizing how many of them were probably killed. Last of all, the exhibit itself within this one building was an incredible downer. There were pictures of the destruction in Warsaw and small towns which had been bombed or burned to the ground. And there were pictures of children suffering from starvation- you could see every bone they were so skinny. Then there were the quotes of Hitler and other Nazi leaders. One of Hitler's quotes said "I will provide a cause for the war whether true or not is irrelevant for propaganda purposes." It was insane to think how he managed to brainwash so many people into believing the things he said.
The worst part of the exhibit was when I walked into a room that had what I would describe as 50 or more scarecrow resembling things that were dressed in the clothes of actual prisoners. And I would hardly call them clothes, they looked more like striped pajamas. On the wall behind it were the photos of hundreds of prisoners. It was, by far, the most depressing and hard-hitting moment the entire time there.
After that I just wanted out of the building so I quickly finished the exhibit and headed back outside not wanting to go inside another building like that again. So Taylor and I continued walking around the camp. We saw where the area where prisoners were hung and another place where they were shot against a firing wall. We did venture into another building. It wasn't quiet as depressing, but still not much better. In this building we saw where prisoners where stripped and washed before being marched out to the firing wall. In the basement we saw where some of the more troublesome prisoners were held- the rooms were small concrete boxes with a small window with metal bars and a toilet in it (the toilet looked like nothing more than a wood box with a hole cut out of it)(Ameila- I'm glad you weren't here as I can only imagine the things you may have 'seen'). We also got to stand in what was called the 'standing' room. It was literally a room, well more like a closet that was maybe 3'x3', and prisoners would have to crawl through a tiny door to get in and they would force four people in at a time. They were so crammed that they couldn't lie down, hence the name. The two of us stood in one and it was pretty crammed so there is no way I could imagine having four people in there. Once we made our way out of there we silently wandered around some more.
The idea of having a conversation while touring the grounds of what I would consider a cemetery just seems weird and insensitive. What is there even to say? Nothing seems like the right thing. Everything whispered death and suffering, so thinking that anything said would really mean something was crazy. I don't know how people were walking around talking like it was no big deal. All I wanted to do was stay silent. And as I said, when Taylor and I did speak it was short.
Taylor and I walked around aimlessly some more when I spotted a visitor restroom. Now I only mention this because it was the strangest bathroom experience ever. Not because it was creepy or anything like that, but because a. who knows what the building the bathrooms were in was originally for. b. I felt weird using a real toilet in such a depressing place, especially after seeing what was considered a toilet for the prisoners. and c. the restroom was located right next to the gas chamber/crematorium.
The crematorium was the last place Taylor and I went in during our visit of Auschwitz. Strangely, it was probably the least depressing place of all. It was certainly creepy but I think the other areas we saw first were far worse. I think it felt this way simply because this was the place where the suffering ended. Yes, it is absolutely horrible that people were killed in such a manner, but after having toured the place I think I would have wanted to die. Everywhere else in the camp wreaked of pain and suffering and humiliation. But in the chamber, all that ended... the people went to a place much better. In some ways, as painful and hard as it is to say, I think the people who died were far luckier than those who survived and had to live with the memory of being there.
I just finished rereading this... probably the most depressing blog post I will have during my 4 months here. And while I feel the need to end this post in some sort of uplifting manner, that doesn't quiet seem fair after everything I saw today. So my apologies for the downer blog post today.
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